" LIPSTICK " / Dana Abdelhadi (Wife)
Habibi Abdo,
I haven't left you a tribute for sometime now ! I was beginning to get depressed more and more as I was spending so much time dwelling in my heartbreak and sorrow everytime I got on here ! But... I never stopped thinking of you and talking to you and dreaming of you ! I just want to tell you how proud you would be of your three little ones ! Zachie has really tickled a funny bone in me lately. Suddenly, he is mesmerized with ladies who wear lipstick. We were in the car the other day and I had on my lipstick and lipgloss, and we were talking when all of a sudden he stopped talking and just sorta stared at me with a big smile on his face. I continued to talk, and he just kept smiling at me and staring at my lips. Finally I asked him " Zachie, why do you keep smiling at me like that ", and his reply was this " Lipstick " . I just laughed ! And then, we were watching Television today, and Alicia Keyes was on singing, well she obviously had lipstick on because she caught Zachies attention ! I asked him " Do you like that song Zach, and his reply was " yes...and she has pink lips ". He is sooo funny and he reminds me so much of you ! Everybody who sees Adam and Zach tell me they are going to be hearttrobs and ladykillers ! They definantley inherited their good looks from you. Your little Yasmine is a real beauty too ! I would give anything...anything in the world, if i could bring you back to see her just one time ! If only you could of held her just once and whispered in her ear how much " daddy loves her "! She was cheated...she will never have a daddy...not even one single memory will she have ! Adam and Zach only had three and five years, but there were so many memories packed in that small amount of time ! When I look at our children I have such a deep sadness for them...they will go through their entire lives without you and I know that eventually ( because they were so young when you went away) , their memories will fade and that is even more heartbreaking ! I constantly remind them of things you use to do together in hopes that I can keep the memories alive. But...I've noticed in little Zachie, that his memories are fading away.
A couple of days ago when I picked Adam up at school, when he got into the car, he looked really depressed and I asked him what was the matter ! He tried to cover it up by saying he had a stomach ache, but then the sickness turned into tears and I knew something was wrong ! He told me " Today... all the daddys came to school to eat lunch with their children and he was the only one who did not have his daddy there. He then asked me " Why do all the other kids have their daddy, but not me, what did I do to make god take my daddy away ! Of course by then, I was balling my eyes out, the pain so deep in my stomach I thought I was going to die, let alone see the road through my tears ! What do I say to him...I didn't even know how to respond to him ! Instead, my pain turned to anger and I blamed the school, asking myself why do they even have those damn affairs...some children do not have fathers, and the ones who do can eat lunch with them any day of the week some place else...why do they have to bring it to school ! But...I know I was wrong for feeling that way ! It's just hard and life seems so unfair ! I can only try and that is a big TRY...to go on and help my children get through this the best I can ! Not sure if I'm doing a very good job of it ! The one thing that I can always depend on with great certainty is this..." Everyday...I will feel this huge hole...this black hole that exsist in my life, and there is no escaping it "...It's always going to be this way because I will never get over losing you ! I miss you Abdo and I love you more than I can say ! Please...if there is any way possible...please give me a sign that you are watching over us...that you are watching over your children and protecting them. And please give me another dream visit...I live for just one glimpse of you...even if it is only a DREAM !!! |
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